“Allow yourself to pray. Just as the many times human beings find themselves in circumstances where the hurt or the pain is so great that on their own power they cannot forgive, it is enough that they pray to be given the grace, the perception, the elevated Light that will allow them to forgive.”
Gary Zukav from Thoughts from the Seat of the Soul.
Preparing your soul for forgiveness both for yourself and others is a vital foundation for true self-acceptance. Some current writing about forgiveness includes:
Enchanted Oak writes: Do It Before It’s Too Late
Jesus Did Not Say “Forgive and Forget”
A wonderful mind map by Paul Foreman: Forgive Forward
He’s Got a Ticket to Ride, But He Don’t Care (Great writing by David Dean Bottrell–I especially liked: “In order to avoid a panic attack, I did what I always do — I applied a nice thick layer of denial over the whole situation.”
The adult me needed to allow that little girl in me to mourn what was lost. I never got to know what it feels like to be loved by a man as a little girl.
Somewhere in me I was holding out hope that by reconciling with him, I would fill those needs, but those moments are gone; there is no way that I can completely fill that void as an adult. I had to mourn the loss.
When we think about mourning, we most often think of death. There are many other losses in life that we need to mourn—loss of health or a relationship or a job, and I would add to that loss of a relationship you wish you had.
When we forgive someone and try to maintain a relationship with them post-forgiveness, it is tempting to try to get what we didn’t get before. It’s like we’re trying to redo the past in the present, when the past is gone. All this does is cause more suffering.